My dear beautiful soul, I first want to share in the heartbreak you are feeling. Ads have been popping up everywhere as reminders of the upcoming Father’s Day. My father has been at his heavenly home for a few years now. While the pain has lessened on most days, I still feel the gaping hole he left behind. Especially when something happens that I would normally share with him. Father’s Day now just seems like a day that will be consumed with that missing link, causing a feeling of pure heartbreak, making the day difficult to even hear that it’s approaching. While “they” say time heals all wounds. I have to be honest and let you know the aches still return. However, know that feeling saddened by the loss is ok. Allow yourself to feel it when you need to. Suppression of the tears won’t help you heal. Grief is a path no one wants to walk on, but it is one of swift unexpected turns that never truly ends.
I want to share just a few ideas that might make this holiday and others just a little easier.
Take this day to honor your father, your rock, your hero. Donate to a charity in his name if you were big on buying him gifts. Maybe you have another man in your life who is a great dad. You could buy him a small gift to let him know he is doing a great job. Even just texting the fathers in your life “Happy Father’s Day” is a delightful idea. Sometimes showing others we see what they are doing, like attending all their kid's basketball games, or tending to the children they love in another way is a great way to still acknowledge the day.
Another helpful way to celebrate, even though your father is no longer standing next to you, is to do something he would enjoy or that you two would enjoy together. It doesn’t have to be something big either. For instance, my father enjoyed eating at Whataburger. We have made it a tradition to eat Whataburger on his birthday.
Write a letter. My father was a writer as well. He understood that the written word was an easier way for me to express myself. He would write little silly notes to me, or long conversational letters that I cherish now more than ever. Writing to him now makes it feel like we still have that line of communication open.
Not a writer kind of person, that’s alright — Pray out loud to him. Tell him how much you miss him. Talk about what is going on in your life. He may not be right next to you, but death doesn’t disintegrate the love or connection between father and daughter.
Just try to find something to bring you a little joy in the memories of who your father was. I have found by not dwelling on the loss constantly on days that would be difficult if I did. It makes a little smile break out. I imagine dad looking down and still seeing the smile he loved.
The loss you have suffered is great. Nothing you do on this day will change it. My hope, though, is it might make it just a little more bearable. I hope you know you aren’t alone on the grief journey. I am praying for your healing.
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